Not Quite Finished

Aging is weird. I will be 75 in the coming year and have been blessed all of my life with top-notch health. My parents and grandparents were blessed with good health. They lived to be in their 90’s. (Some of my older relatives lived to be more than 100.) One of my grandfathers died because he was a detective and got shot, but that was an oddity. All of my uncles and aunts lived into their 90s except for one who took his own life. 

I have never given much thought to aging because of my family history, but this past year, all of a sudden, I am now contemplating when I will be in heaven with my Savior. I have had multiple symptoms, pains, discomforts, and a lot of not knowing what is going on with my body over the past year. Some of it is the meds I am taking, due to old age or symptoms that doctors are seeing in me (blood tests, exams, adjusting). When we retired a couple of years ago we rushed to get as many exams done before our insurance ran out. I think that started the meds complexity.

I have one ear that has gone deaf. I have hearing aids now. Over the past year I have had soooo many scans, MRI’s, blood tests, and x-rays that pretty much my entire body has been examined by machines and specialists. In about six weeks I’m having an ankle replacement. I remember when I first wrenched it on a tennis court when I was in my early 20s. I didn’t do anything special to it then and over the years I have twisted it, torn ligaments, and sprained it numerous times. That’s the convolutedness of sports. It keeps you healthy but it also wears your body parts out. I’ve already had a knee replacement (2009) in S. Africa. They are supposed to last 15-20 years so I’m already in that range for a replacement. 

About 8 months ago I had an endoscopy that revealed I have Barretts Esophagus. I had no symptoms whatsoever. A couple of months ago with my chest MRI I discovered I have an aneurism (which is what my sister died from 4 years ago.) It’s not big enough to do anything to it at this point, but I’m watching it closely. I also have a little bit of COPD (10%). I’m going for a pulmonology exam next week.

About 11 months ago my voice started fading, groveling, and slurring. There is still no definite diagnosis but several docs have said that it’s neurological or a stroke that happened a while ago. There are swallowing issues, dizziness from the meds, chewing issues, and other symptoms. So, my past year has been pandemonium. Except in God’s eyes…and His plan. 

As I ponder and evaluate all of this I’m trying to see His will for my life. Maybe he’ll show me the exact health issue, and maybe not. Because this all happened pretty suddenly this year, it has been a combination of climbing mountains and walking through valleys. One day I’m at the top of a peak and the next day I’m in the Dead Sea (lowest place on the planet). As I’ve been reading through the Bible this year I’ve seen a lot of things that God has shown me pertaining to these health issues. All of the disciples (except John) died as myrtars, early missionaries usually died on the field, faithful kings often died of health issues that God imposed on them, and thousands of early Christian’s died at the hands of the Romans. I’ve known people that have been given 300 lashes on their backs and I’ve also read some books that tell about Middle Easterners in modern day times who risked their lives for the sake of the gospel. I know that God has a purpose for my life and no matter what the obstacles, he will preserve me until His mission is accomplished. In Acts 20.24 Paul writes “But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” (NLT)

Since I don’t have much of a voice these days I’ve realized that I need to be writing and focusing more. Our time in Jordan this summer weened me off of watching sports nearly every day and focusing on His work in my weakness. Maybe I need to learn sign language…or write another book…or text messages when eating with friends…or volunteering silently…