Not Quite Finished

This weekend we are going to Jacksonville for my appointment on Monday at Mayo Clinic. We made the appointment almost three months ago, with the help of my neurologist here in Cocoa Village. He had been seeing me for months and was calling me a “zebra” because he was mind-boggled by my voice issues. Every test came back negative. So he sent a referral to Mayo and they are going to do more testing. They are doing another MRI and an Electromyogram (which is 2 hours). The second test measures muscle electrical activity to evaluate nerve and muscle health. I think I did that in Jordan when we were there this past summer. 

Romans 8:26-28 (NLT):  And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Nothing in my story is beyond God’s reach. When I put even my failure in God’s hands, the Lord isn’t scrambling to clean up a mess. God is constant and reliable. God is enlightened and reasonable. God can take what I wish I could undo and fold it into a future shaped by grace. He causes “everything to work together for the good”. This is difficult to fathom at times. I’ve had a year of my voice weakening, and almost no voice now, but I’ve got to rely on the scriptures as truth. God causes everything to work together for the good. Not my good, but HIS good. 

This promise isn’t a blanket statement for anyone who wants to live however they want. It’s for “those who love him” and who have been “called according to his purpose.” In other words, it’s for the person who turns toward God and says, “Lord, I want what you want. I don’t always get it right, but I belong to you. Lead me. Teach me. Correct me.” And then, in God’s frugality, those areas where I’ve messed up and then surrendered to God, often are the places where my life becomes more gentle, more honest, and more like Jesus.

So if you’re carrying a mistake today, don’t let it harden into anxiety or self-punishment. Take responsibility where you need to. Make the call. Have the conversation. Ask forgiveness if it’s needed. Then put what you can’t change into the hands of the one who can redeem what you can’t repair. God isn’t surprised by your weaknesses. God isn’t limited by your missteps. And God is still committed to HIS purposes in you.

So, after this year of negative tests I’m not contemplating anything from Mayo that hasn’t come from the ENT’s, the neurologists, the speech therapists, or any of the doctors I have seen. I only trust in the Lord to enlighten me to what He wants me to do with the rest of my days on this earth. However…if He illuminates the neurologists at Mayo to bring back my voice I will praise His name vocally until I meet Him face-to-face. I will praise His name no matter what His future for me is…