Not Quite Finished

We are close to six weeks now after my ankle replacement. Everything is going well. We have had two doctor’s visits and they said that it looks great. They removed the stitches on the last visit two weeks ago. 

I had a series of questions for the doctor (When can I start driving?, when can I start swimming?, when can I start exercising?, and others). The driving was immediate, the swimming was this week. My friend, who is my swimming buddy, wasn’t allowed to swim for 10 or 12 weeks after his ankle replacement. 

This week I am going to physical therapy at my gym. I have been doing that in my home since my surgery but it will be much more intensive at the PT’s gym. I have a nurse that has been coming every week and she will be releasing me this week, as will the PT guy. They have been very helpful.

I have an appointment this Friday with the doctor and have another series of questions for him. I’m assuming that I will be allowed to walk without my walking boot very soon. The doctor said that I could come to the appointment in my walking boot this Friday. I have been in it for three weeks and it is cumbersome though good for my ankle to heal.

All in all God has been amazingly good to me through this surgery. but I have not been good to Him. I have been focused on doing things for my ankle instead of focusing on what He is doing in my life. That came up last night when I tried to take a pill and I couldn’t swallow it. In a noisy voice I asked Him, “Why do you not allow me to swallow clearly?”After I asked Him that question – in my booming voice – I realized that I was focused on my plan and not His. This morning I woke up dreary. I have been all morning long. The physical therapy nurse is due any minute and maybe she can assess my physical inability today, but that is not what I’m wondering. 

I’m wondering why I’m disappointed. Possibly I can find some answers when we go to the Mayo Clinic, but I don’t know if that’s God’s plan. Continuing with my voice issues, which are getting worse, I’ve been downhearted, depressed and frustrated. I can’t seem to find out HIs intention. I know that He is trying to speak to me, but I am not listening clearly. He is trying to show me some things yet my center of attention is not in listening to Him. It’s in my health, which is totally up to Him. I have been downhearted because all of my life I have been in excellent health and after a year of exams the doctors can’t find anything. I am depressed because my wife is having to take care of me now. She is having to do multiple things that she didn’t have to do ordinarily. I am frustrated because I’m starting to drool more and more and I’m not able to speak clearly, even to my wife.

Maybe God is putting me in this situation to let me know that He has blessed me all of my life and I have not commended Him nearly enough. Or maybe He is trying to change my lifestyle to listen more and not use my own words. Or maybe He is, and I’ve said this before, just putting me in this position to write more and more. But that doesn’t equate with the other issues with my swallowing, drooling, and choking. Right now, I need people to pray for me, to give my ears and my intellect up to the Master and to hear what He is trying to say about His plan for my life.