Not Quite Finished

I read a book this past week. I wanted to read it because of what was happening to my voice. It was a fantastic book written by a worship director at a church in Atlanta. She and her husband had gotten married and had several plans for their lives when a year later her husband had a brain tumor. The book is called, “When God Doesn’t Fix It”. Her story, about taking care of her husband was fascinating, not because of what she did, but because of what God did in their lives. Many times she assumed that God was going to fix the issues that they were facing yet He didn’t do what she thought.

The title caught my eye because of what was going on in my life. I’m already in the place where I know God is in control and He can fix my voice issues if He wants to – if that is HIS plan for our lives. I’m good with seeing my voice disappear if that is His plan. Yes, I would shout out His grace and mercy if He restored it, but I’m trying to learn what He is teaching me through all of what is going on. I have seen multiple colleagues on the field who have left because of health issues and I always questioned why he did that to people who were servants in a foreign land, who sacrificed multiple things to serve Him. We just went on a trip to S. Carolina to see a dear friend from Iraq who we served together with. She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and I asked God why did He do this to her. She was serving Him amazingly. I realized that it was His plan for her life and that I had no business questioning Him. 

This past week I have started learning sign language. Never thought I would do that. I missed an opportunity when I was in Jordan this summer and a family that worked with deaf people got relocated there with us. At that point I didn’t think about sign language and I missed out on having their kids teach me every day. I guess I wasn’t listening to God very well. Now I’m online facing people that can’t talk back to me, as opposed to face-to-face encounters. Not hearing God’s voice when He is talking to you, adds up to you being in a much harder situation. 

When all is said and done, I have no more that another fifteen years on this planet – if He has me serve him within His plan. He may have mercy on me and take me home in five years but that would not allow me to grow with my grandkids, or to serve Him well by writing some more stuff. Right now, I’m just practicing listening to Him and realizing what He wants me to do every day. That includes my ankle replacement – which will happen in 2-3 weeks from now (Feb. 11). There will be no walking on it for two months – unlike my knee replacement when I was walking in the first week. That will limit my mobility extremely (the first time in my life) so I’m not sure what God has planned for me during that time. Again, I have to put my hearing aids in and listen clearly to God during this time. 

I’ll need a lot of prayer during this time and so will my wife. I’m sure I’ll be feeling pain after the surgery, and I’ll be complaining every day about not going to the gym, or not being able to ride my bike, or gaining weight…Good thing I just read that book!