Not Quite Finished

John Denver Sang a song called “Hey, it’s Good to be Back Home Again”. I wish I could honestly sing that song with any sort of truth attached to it. While it’s not bad to be back in the States with an indefinite time frame around it, I can truthfully say that there has been way more adjusting to living here than I feel like there should be. Buying a vehicle, grocery shopping, dealing with leases, meeting a bunch of new people all at once, sorting through old collections of stuff that has been in storage since forever, arranging speaking engagements and travel, talking with people who really “don’t get it”, and a host of other unfamiliar episodes has left me reeling a bit.

One of the biggest challenges at this moment is trying to get my normal weight to return. Trying to find a set of foods that are not filled with sugar, sodium, calories and unhealthy additives has been more challenging than I remember. Food marketers have come up with all sorts of ways to say “sugar free” (when there is an over abundance of aspartame stuffed inside the product). Calories are listed by “servings” which are usually equal to and just enough for the mice that are fed in experiments (when was 1/3 of a cup of cereal equal to a breakfast serving?). I was looking at the label on the zero calorie flavored water I drink, the other day – I didn’t recognize a single ingredient. I don’t think water was even one of the listed items! I’m still exercising rigorously 5 days a week but I’ve noticed that a couple of pounds have crept in, when I thought I should be losing some. So it’s definitely come down to food intake.

Then there has been the constant “we have to get this or that or the other done”. Phone numbers changed and corrected, insurance for our new vehicle that just about gave me a heart attack when the kind lady behind the desk said to me, “Sorry, that’s for 6 months, not a year”, and each time I get a check at a restaurant I have to take three deep breaths before I look at it. And tipping – oh my. It’s like you don’t have a choice any more but to tip a minimum of 20% – Even if the server came to your table once to take your order and once to give you the check. They are even expecting a tip for standing behind a counter and handing you a donut. When they turn an iPad machine around for me to put in a tip my fingers always go to “none”.

Church is a whole new world. We were used to a very close-knit group of believers digging deeply into the Word. We unpacked passages and verses, discussed them, sometimes debated over them, and always came away with a much deeper understanding of truth as presented by the writers of the books. I found myself this past week sitting in the balcony of the church we are attending while the pastor (great guy and excellent teacher) was speaking about a fairly controversial passage. I had to hold myself down and not raising my hand to contest a quote or two by him. I miss that small-group intimacy. 

I imagine that we will adjust to all the newness of life in the States. It’s just that I’m not sure I want to make those changes. Finding balance has always been a crucial part of overseas living. Now I need to find that in my birthplace homeland. Maybe. We are extremely grateful that we have a year and change to make many of these adjustments. I am finding myself in an uncomfortable place where reverse culture shock is trying to nudge out guidance from the Holy Spirit, and that is a bad place to be. I’m thankful that I am recognizing this and thus can take measures to gain back that balance and centrality of the Spirit. It’s just a tough road that I wasn’t prepared for.